I don’t know what to think, my boy.

You weren’t with us very long.

We gave you a good life.

You were silly. We loved how you greeted us with your chew bone. You frantically searched the house over for your special bone when you heard the door open. With your bone in your mouth and with your jiggling butt at the other end, you were comic relief. I asked you more than once, “Do you think you are a boxer dog?” because your kidney bean moves were quite spectacular.

It’s only been a couple of days.

I miss sharing tiny treats from my plate with you, as you sit patiently in obedience. I miss hearing you snore. I even miss your sloppy drool.

I can only picture you running free with your brother that you never met, Diesel. I see you chasing balls together, or napping as you dream about your mom and dad.

Our communication was unique, we quickly realized after we got you that you had been raised and trained in Spanish. As a loving mom, I Googled Spanish command words like shake, get your ball, and sit. I laughed so hard the first time I said shake in Spanish (sacudir) and your paw went up like someone lifted it with a string in perfect English Bulldog form. If you could talk, I think you would have happily said, “Howdy there!” I am not convinced you always understood my English, but I had fun uttering Spanish words to you.

It didn’t take long for us to bond, and now it hurts.

We just don’t know what happened. And we will never know. But someday this hurt will go away, and we will laugh again.

When I step outside, I believe I feel you in the breeze. I see you rolling in the dirt, and I see you laying down in the mud puddle, and I think about me sweating like mad in the hot Texan sun, as you pulled these stunts with me by your side. You looked at me as if I am the crazy one. Maybe I am (from time to time).

Sometimes I wonder if I was a good mom. But, I think about all the things that I did for you in the short three months that we had together. Yes, I gave you all my love. I couldn’t have done any better.

The first week you were with us, tears streamed down my face as I sat on the floor and talked with you. I said that Diesel had left us just weeks before, and I asked you that if you could see him in your dog’s world to please tell him that we miss and love him still. (Oh my, I am wiping the tears again.) I just hope you two are together. Maybe that is what I feel in the breeze, in the warm sunshine that reminds me so much of you.

You’ll forever be in our hearts. I’ve not bought into the idea of a Rainbow Bridge, but I did see a rainbow that day. I thought it was just the after-effects of Imelda, but there is a small chance that you found the Rainbow Bridge and God saw that you needed to wave goodbye.

Run swiftly, my boys. Take care of each other. Momma loves you both.