I (Really) Don’t Want This!

I hope you have time to sit down with me today.  Sit in a comfortable chair.  Take a moment.  I want to share something with you.

I have stood in my front yard during times of distress and uttered loudly – thank goodness my neighbors could not hear – I do not want this! I do not want this!

I have laid in bed and cried, thinking my world would surely end soon from heartbreak, and I have said, I don’t want this!

I have learned so many things during times of hurt.  Whatever you believe in, God is my savior, your god may be the universe, whatever you believe in, I am here to say it really helps to pray.  Deliberately put what you have going on, whatever hurt you are feeling, whatever anguish you are experiencing, out there.  Say it, shout it, give it up.

Answers do not fall into our laps immediately.  I have heard so many people say that they feel so alone.  What works for me – pray, then listen.  Listen for a minute.  Then listen for an hour, a day, a week.  Somewhere, while you rest in quiet, while you tend to your life, while you do not focus on your pain, while you do not fight to take it all on by yourself, an answer will come.

So, what happens when I am filled with pain, so much torment that I cry out, I don’t want this? What happens is, what I think is a problem is really a solution.  Something is there, unraveling, during times of pain, anguish, and hurt.  Something is around the corner waiting to be discovered.  A new beginning.  A refreshing start.  The answer to the prayer.

Ask me how I know there is joy in pain.  No, don’t ask, I’ll tell you.  God takes away from me what he does not want me to focus on.  He takes away from me when I am not doing what I am designed to do.  When I allow myself to live my life, to not focus on the hurt, the answers come to me.   They smack me in my face, ever so gently.

When my answers come, my loud anguish melts into a soft whisper to my Heavenly Father, “Thank you, Jesus.  Thank you.”  I weep with joy.  “I heard you, thank you.”

Now, my father, I need to borrow from your strength to do what you have laid out before me.

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8 thoughts on “I (Really) Don’t Want This!

  1. Gloria Rueber Jersey Lady says:

    Whatever it is that you are taking on, I ask the Lord’s blessing on it. I know He will be by your side all the way.

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