This wedding anniversary is different. Not only am I reflecting on 18 years of marriage with my best friend, but also life transformation and testimony.
After coming out of a long-time narcissistic and abusive marriage a year or two before, I slid into darkness. I wanted the Lord in my life, but I didn’t understand exactly what that meant. 20 years prior I had accepted Christ, but I never built a relationship with him, I didn’t know that I should. I only knew that I loved him and that I needed to obey him—I feared him. Guilt consumed me.
I stumbled around in the dark for him. I felt as if I couldn’t sense him in my life. People that I sought out for wisdom repeatedly said, “He’s there. He always has been.” I could see that they had something that I did not, and I felt my life was doomed. I now realize that I was seeking people. I wasn’t going directly to God in prayer. I was ashamed and I didn’t know how to approach him. Yet, he was there, of course, he has been with me for as long as I can remember, but at that time I didn’t understand that I needed to get to know him. I just knew that I must obey him.
A week or so after I met my (now husband), a strong believer in Christ, the chains broke. I was alone in quiet reflection that day when it struck me—the conviction to drop to my knees, cry out to the Lord, and repent. I spilled every ounce of anguish and sin from my heart. I cried out for favor and forgiveness. As I repented, I felt his presence. Our relationship grew from that very moment.
Not only did our relationship grow, I then understood what it meant to be thirsty for Christ. I could not get enough, and though nearly 20 years have now passed, it is still unquenchable! I am so grateful for what he did for me. He gave me a new life 41 years ago, yet I (in my infanthood) allowed sin to return. He never left my side—even after I strayed. God is good, always!
Today, as I reflect on our wedding anniversary, I celebrate my renewal in the Lord. I celebrate that through this “human” relationship in my life—the one that steered me back to God (This is why we need God-fearing people in our lives!), I am here today and giving this testimony. It wasn’t a human relationship that did it, of course, but it was God’s master plan for my life. His light shone in the darkness and saved my soul. I am forever grateful. He absolutely does not let us go!
No man shall be able to stand before you all the days of your life. Just as I was with Moses, so I will be with you. I will not leave you or forsake you. Joshua 1:5 (ESV)